‘Over a missed WhatsApp message’: Woman accidentally forgets to wish her 4-year-old niece a happy birthday on the family group chat, gets snubbed by the girl's mom, then fights fire with fire at the next family event

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

This entitled mom got extremely huffy when her sister-in-law neglected to wish her precious 4-year-old a "Happy Birthday." To retaliate against this OBVIOUSLY unforgivable transgression, she decided to ice her out, turning the entire family against her and her husband… All because she forgot to send a message in the family group chat to a child. 

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  • AITA for deciding I won't attend any more events on my in-laws' side - and for not telling them why? My husband (eldest of 3) just turned 40. He invited his whole family: his mom, his younger brother (who came with his pregnant girlfriend), and his sister. Everyone showed up... except the sister.
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  • When I asked my MIL why, she said, "She had plans with a friend." I was shocked and replied, "Plans more important than her brother's 40th birthday?" She looked awkward and mumbled something about it being planned a long time ago.
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  • Later, I spoke privately with my BIL's girlfriend. She hesitated, then confided something I wasn't supposed to know: the sister deliberately made plans that day to
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  • avoid the party - because she was offended I didn't wish her 4-year- old daughter a happy birthday in the family WhatsApp group (To be frank, I forgot, i rarely write in the group and i often forget to reply
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  • I'm in several family group chats and, let me tell ya, the notifications can get overwhelming. Oftentimes, I'll just turn the buzzer off so that my phone isn't constantly bugging me, because the chat always has someone sending some kind of message. This is most true when it's someone's birthday, so when this woman forgot to wish a 4-year-old HBD in the family chat, it's no surprise that things got lost in the flurry of messages. 

    But the mother wouldn't let her forget it. And apparently, this was one mistake that would never be forgiven or forgotten, because it turned into the most insane family debacle, tainting all future family events. 

  • messages). She asked me not to tell anyone but my husband, because it would put her in a bad spot - they'd immediately know she was the one who told me. Some context:
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  • • MIL has always favored her daughter. She regularly visits her and babysits (they live 15 min away). Meanwhile, we had to insist, pay for her Uber, or drive 1 hour with our newborn just so she could see her grandson.
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  • • The sister is constantly negative and somewhat resentful of my husband's success. He didn't go to college but does very well financially. She studied for years and struggles.
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  • • When the BIL and his girlfriend aren't around, the family trashes her openly in front of me. I've always found it toxic. But during our private chat, she told me they do the same about me when I'm not there
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  • saying I "don't take care of my kids" because every time he calls them on video, he happens to be the one feeding them. Newsflash: when I feed the kids, I call my family, not his.
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  • •MIL doesn't even greet me on the phone and has never made me feel welcome. "In-laws" are clearly second-class.
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  • • I'm also furious about how MIL treats her son. During his own birthday party, she mocked him ― laughing and saying he's lazy and never wants to go anywhere. I was the only one who stood up for him, because I know it deeply hurt him that his sister wasn't there, and the criticisms hurt him too.
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  • • To top it off: BIL's girlfriend just gave birth. They live 4 hours away. MIL still hasn't gone to see the baby. I encouraged my husband to go visit, to support his little brother. I couldn't go myself - we have two very young kids but I wanted him to be there for them.
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  • We attended the sister's 35th birthday not long ago. But now she snubs my husband's 40th - out of petty revenge over a missed WhatsApp message - and her mom defends her.
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  • I'm done. From now on, every time there's a family event, I'll just say I already have something planned. Like she did. AITA for deciding I won't go to any more events on their side? And for never explaining why?
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  • Edit: - I consider I can't explain to my MIL why I'm not attending anymore, because doing so would put my BIL's girlfriend in an even worse position than she's already in. She trusted me with what she told me, and I won't betray that.
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  • - My husband says, "they're just like that, we won't change them." I know he's right, but that doesn't mean I have to keep showing up, smile, and pretend it's normal.
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  • Sensitive-Cod2785. The fact that they mocked your husband at his own birthday party and still expected you both to show up smiling for future events is wild. You're doing what's necessary for your family, and that's what matters.
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  • WhiteKnightPrimal NTA. Normally I'd be all for telling them why, but that throws your BILS partner under the bus in this case, and that's not fair to her, especially as she clearly gets the same treatment as you do.
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • Honestly, it sounds like BIL likely gets the same treatment as your husband, as well, or at least some level of it. SIL is clearly the golden child of this family, ILs are second class citizens, at least in the case of the men's partners, your
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  • husband is the punching bag here, and I can't imagine his brother has it much better given how similarly you and his partner are being treated. Somehow I get the feeling that SILs partner(s) are way more accepted into the family.
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  • So, yeah, just back off from family gatherings. Just say you're busy, you already have long-made plans, the same excuses they give you. Never go into detail on these alleged plans, just say they exist and you're committed and can't
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  • get out of them if they push. Hold that line every time. Support your husband if he wants to continue attending without you, though, he may not yet be ready to cut that string. He may find it easier to slowly reduce attendance rather than just stop. Or he may jump at
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  • the chance to just stop with you and not have to put up with being bu ied by his own family all the time. Maye you stopping is the push he needs to stop himself. You'll know when you tell him your decision, be supportive, as he hopefully will be of you.
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  • I'd also try and band together as much as possible with BIL and his partner, they sound like they're decent enough people, and in more or less the same situation as you and your husband are. You I can have family gatherings just you two couples and your kids,
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  • you don't need to include the parents or SIL. That way, you guys have each other to lean on and husband isn't losing his entire family in one go, he'll still have his little brother and his kids, as well as you and yours. You and BILS partner especially have
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  • something to bond over. You'll be able to vent about the treatment you and your husbands and children receive to each other in safety, knowing you're not going to throw each other under the bus, and can be a proper support to each other going forward.
    via WhiteKnightPrimal

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